Hayden Turns 2!

I can't believe that two years of my little baby's life have gone by already! It has just been a blur.

Hayden Xavier you are just such a ray of sunshine in my life! I can never get enough of your silly giggles, the way you scrunch up your nose when you smile, or your beautiful tenderness in the way you show love to us. I wish I could capture the feeling of your little hugs, kisses, and snuggles which you so generously give out. It is so fun to watch how you want to be exactly like your big brother. How you mimic his every word and action. Yet you are so independent and rarely let the older two tell you what to do. I have never known such a little person to know their mind as well as you. Sometimes I adore that about you and sometimes it drives me crazy!! And your silly little pout - you usually forget what you were pouting about before long. I love watching you play digger, baler, and semi for hours and how you like to play just how daddy works when we go visit him on the field. Your excitement over everything on wheels is contagious! Happy Birthday Hayden! I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for you. Love Mommy

Cherishing Every Moment

Yesterday we went to a funeral for a friend who had a tragic accident last weekend.  We hadn't spend a lot of time with her and her husband in the last few years, but we used to hang out with them a fair bit.  The guys played hockey together and us girls would always tag along to games and hang out together, and almost every week we played Saturday night poker with them and some other friends.  It is just so, so sad to see a young vibrant life ending so suddenly, and even more heartbreaking for those who are left behind.  I feel like my thoughts and prayers in this last week have been consumed with hurt for her close family and friends, as well as the questions that always come with such tragedy.  Yesterday at the funeral, her dad went up and he seemed almost urgent with his message, desperate for everyone to grasp the fact that we need to embrace life and live every moment in a way that shows others what you stand for.  The words that really hit me were "All it takes is a second.  Just one second and everything changes."  There are no second chances, no way to try again and make it right the second time.  It's so . . . final.

In the evening when the kids were off to bed I really broke down and just felt overwhelmed with the loss of her life and how unjust it seems, I felt it to my very core.  But it also hit me how her husband and family still made that funeral into a celebration, and there was such hope and a positive message that they believe God had a better plan.  Her husband told us that he felt the only thing keeping him going was the prayer, and the love that everyone has been generously showing.  I feel overwhelmed with a longing to appreciate the people in my life and cherish the moments that are now, because life IS short, and we never know when will be the last time we see someone we love.  It also made me think about priorities, and what I am really living my life focused on.  It is so easy to get distracted in this busy life.  My deepest desire is to live in a way that shows others the intense love that I feel for my Savior and make choices that are pleasing to Him, not because I have to, but because I want to.  One of my favorite songs has the lyrics "How would you choose to define me, 'cares for others' or just 'cares what others think'?"  I truly want it to be the first one.  I often struggle with feeling like its hard to be out there helping others when I have so much to work on with my own life, and it sometimes feels like I get trapped in my own world when I should be reaching out.  I don't want to settle into a life that is "good enough", but rather work every day at making an effort to become a better wife, mother, friend, and daughter of Christ.  I just want to end of with the lyrics to a beautiful song that often brings me peace and comfort about the true and all-encompassing love of Jesus.

He's not mad at you 
He's not disappointed 
His grace is greater still, 
than all of your wrong choices 
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind 
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide 

You can come as you are, 
with all your broken pieces 
And all your shameful scars 
The pain you hold in your heart, 
bring it all to Jesus 
You can come as you are 

Louder than the voice that whispers your unworthy 
Hear the sound of love, 
that tells a different story 
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies 
How tenderly he calls you, 
His arms are open wide 

You can come as you are, 
with all your broken pieces 
And all your shameful scars 
The pain you hold in your heart, 
bring it all to Jesus 
You can come as you are 

You can come as you are 

You can come as you are with all your broken pieces 
And all your shameful scars 
The pain you hold in your heart, 
bring it all to Jesus 
You can come as you are

How Big is a Fig?

That is the question I was asking myself today.  Not an easy question if you have never actually held a fig in your hand before.  A Fig Newton?  Yes.  But the actual fruit . . . not so much.  Why do I even care, you ask?  Everywhere I look, they tell me that my uterus is the size of a melon and my baby (yes, I said it!!) is the size of a fig.  Which leads me to a second question - what's with the comparison of my organs and tiny little child to fresh produce anyway?  But I digress.  So with much Googling (is that even a word?) and coming across some rather strange websites comparing figs to toy trains and half eaten candy bars, I finally discovered the answer that I coveted that a fig is around 1 1/2 inches.  Now THAT is something to wrap my head around! How can it be that this person growing inside of me is so small and yet as of this week, all of its main organs are formed and functioning?  Never mind the fact that all of its little fingers and toes are formed, it is already a boy or a girl (EEK!!), and when I see my doctor this week I will most likely be hearing its little heart beat!  Truly miraculous.

So now you know . . . baby number 4 is on the way for the Siemens family!  I feel excited, scared, blessed, and bewildered all at once.  All 5 of us are already cherishing this little one so much and I feel like I'm not taking a second of this pregnancy for granted.  I am thankful for every little symptom (yes, believe it or not, even the puking!) and sign that this life is really flourishing and growing inside of me - and boy is it growing! I started to show at 8 weeks already.  Don't believe me? Here's the proof:

Why the shock? Well it could be several things.  The actual pregnancy itself, the fact that I have a baby bump already, or just plain the fact that I am actually blogging!! Yes, for real!  I have really missed blogging this year for a number of reasons.  One of them being that I miss looking back at things I've posted about the kids when they were at different stages.  But the main reason is that I've just desired a place to share the daily things of life.  It's struggles, it's joys, its inspirations, and even its funny moments.  So yes, of course I am going to blog about my kids (because face it - they are a huge part of who I am today!) but I really want the focus of this blog to be what goes on below the surface in my life.  A place to be raw, open and honest.  

So there you go! If any of this interests you, feel free to come back and check out my blog once in a while! If not, you're missing out, lol!  Can't promise how regularly I'll post, but I guess that remains to be seen.