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Yesterday we went to a funeral for a friend who had a tragic accident last weekend. We hadn't spend a lot of time with her and her husband in the last few years, but we used to hang out with them a fair bit. The guys played hockey together and us girls would always tag along to games and hang out together, and almost every week we played Saturday night poker with them and some other friends. It is just so, so sad to see a young vibrant life ending so suddenly, and even more heartbreaking for those who are left behind. I feel like my thoughts and prayers in this last week have been consumed with hurt for her close family and friends, as well as the questions that always come with such tragedy. Yesterday at the funeral, her dad went up and he seemed almost urgent with his message, desperate for everyone to grasp the fact that we need to embrace life and live every moment in a way that shows others what you stand for. The words that really hit me were "All it takes is a second. Just one second and everything changes." There are no second chances, no way to try again and make it right the second time. It's so . . . final.
In the evening when the kids were off to bed I really broke down and just felt overwhelmed with the loss of her life and how unjust it seems, I felt it to my very core. But it also hit me how her husband and family still made that funeral into a celebration, and there was such hope and a positive message that they believe God had a better plan. Her husband told us that he felt the only thing keeping him going was the prayer, and the love that everyone has been generously showing. I feel overwhelmed with a longing to appreciate the people in my life and cherish the moments that are now, because life IS short, and we never know when will be the last time we see someone we love. It also made me think about priorities, and what I am really living my life focused on. It is so easy to get distracted in this busy life. My deepest desire is to live in a way that shows others the intense love that I feel for my Savior and make choices that are pleasing to Him, not because I have to, but because I want to. One of my favorite songs has the lyrics "How would you choose to define me, 'cares for others' or just 'cares what others think'?" I truly want it to be the first one. I often struggle with feeling like its hard to be out there helping others when I have so much to work on with my own life, and it sometimes feels like I get trapped in my own world when I should be reaching out. I don't want to settle into a life that is "good enough", but rather work every day at making an effort to become a better wife, mother, friend, and daughter of Christ. I just want to end of with the lyrics to a beautiful song that often brings me peace and comfort about the true and all-encompassing love of Jesus.
He's not mad at you
He's not disappointed
His grace is greater still,
than all of your wrong choices
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide
You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
Louder than the voice that whispers your unworthy
Hear the sound of love,
that tells a different story
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies
How tenderly he calls you,
His arms are open wide
You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
You can come as you are
You can come as you are with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
